A/N: This part contains some mild smut. Do not read if you're not prepared for that.
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'What kind of a question is that?' Erwin is now fully aware of your insecurities, brushing the back of his hand against your smooth, supple cheeks-- he is still crawling over you, his legs crossed against yours (though his knees are supporting him as he rests on all fours). The way he stares into your eyes is loving and friendly-- you could taste the sweetness of his actions in the air. 'You are attractive,' he smiles widely, 'Amazingly so!'
God, why does he happen to be such a sweetheart?
You shake your head despite the warmth on your cheeks, suppressing a chuckle as you say, 'I mean, as a soldier...'
'But I don't understand,' he creases his thick eyebrows and you only burst into a rude guffaw. While you are busy pulling up the blanket over the two of you, Erwin looks confused. 'What?' he prods on and returns to his previous position, only this time the wool sheet is covering his body and yours like a homely tent. His blue eyes are busy examining your [E/C] ones as if trying to discern you attention-- you know he'll be successful before long, 'Does this have something to do with us having this relationship?'
Would you even call it that? For me?
You glance over to his face and his eyes widen.
'You don't actually think people disapprove of this, do you?' he asks, voice wavering a bit in distress.
You quickly shake your head again. 'No! It's not that! I don't give a damn what they think!' you frown, 'I mean, I'm one of the oldest-- '
'The best soldiers around,' he finishes for you, pulling you into an embrace.
His face rests gently on the crook of your neck, trailing butterfly kisses around your skin there as his weight is shifted onto you-- he was heavy, of course, but he makes sure to prop his elbows up and that leaves both his nipples and yours to brush against each other. You shiver slightly at the contact with your eyes pressed close-- when you open them, he stares at you lovingly.
'You're absolutely amazing,' he praises and you only blush harder. He chuckles at that, running his finger on your forearm, trying to make out the form of your body with his mere touch while he watches you with utmost attention, 'People will know why I chose you. You're beautiful, skilled and talented, you're poised-- '
'That I am not! I know what I am-- a soldier-- and for that reason, I could never have been a woman! That, I think people know so well about!' you giggle. Of course, it pains a bit to laugh about yourself but you just do it out of pure instinct-- you mean what you've just said.
'I see you as a woman,' Erwin whispers-- his voice husky and hoarse at the same time.
Is he telling me the truth?
It demands you to turn back into his baby blues.
He is, isn't he?
He leans forward to rest his lips against yours, murmuring against your nervous skin, 'I see you as my woman... all the time.'
'Is that so...' your words are more of a statement than a question. You feel his tresses ruffling up against your skin as he makes his way for your breasts-- you let out a grunt as he kisses your flesh there, then work his way towards your nipple and teasingly cage it between his teeth. But your mind is no longer with your body-- the face of Levi is still plastered against your [E/C] vision. 'Erwin, please, not now...'
'I thought you were up for fifths?' he chuckles, with no hint of disappointment whatsoever. You are a bit disappointed that you've stopped him from doing those little things.
'I was, but I want to know more,' you plead, eyes making way towards his as you gently push against his chest, 'I want to know more about you... Am I not allowed to?'
It is a legitimate question. He is the Commander of the Survey Corps.
He smiles, letting out a soft and contented sigh. He plays with his fingers as they trace along your forehead, sweeping stray strands of your sticky [H/L][H/C] hair to the sides. 'Ask anything you want,' he finally says, arms now snuggling around your waist, holding you close to his flexing body while you rest comfortably in between.
'Why did you...' You stop. You have to think of how to word this one out and the way Erwin's paying full attention to you is somewhat disturbing. You wander towards the ceiling behind his person and slur, 'How did you come to like me?'
It is a legitimate question. I wasn't one to be liked. I was a bit like Levi when I first came in.
Erwin places his chin against yours, 'Let's see... I remember getting goosebumps when I first saw you.'
'And when is that?' you chuckle slightly at the way he speaks-- the movement tickles your face as every time he enunciates, your jaw gets pushed around in motion.
'It must be after the then Commander Shadis told me that he has to accept your admission into the Corps,' he repeats the same action as before, enjoying your giggles. 'You walked into the mess hall and everyone fell silent-- I was the only talking so loud to Mike, didn't even notice you entering-- not that I didn't want to, mind you! I had a lot of things in my mind at the time so I... Well, anyway, I think you must've sent me a death glare or something-- no, it was definitely a death glare! I remember Mike elbowing me so that I'll realise you were standing before our table-- eyes like a titan seeing a human flesh.'
Well, that does sound like me.
'Geez, I sound like a man,' you grunt as you play with his hair now-- his face is still planted closely to yours and his breaths fanning your face coolly.
'Of course, I think you forgot that you threw an insult at me. It's why you were called to Commander Shadis' office afterwards, if you remember correctly.'
I do remember going to see Commander Shadis back then... But an insult? And to Erwin? How the hell--
'Do you remember now?' suddenly, you feel his lower body grinding forward-- his unaroused member poking at your entrance and his hip bone crashing gently into yours.
'V-vaguely,' you whisper as you squint your eyes, 'I throw insults at everyone.'
'Ah, yes, you did!' He erupts into a hearty chuckle, 'But it was memorable what you said to me.'
You furrow your eyebrows, 'I don't think I remember what I said.'
'You pointed a finger at me and said: oh, lookie! There's a chat-box in a mess hall you don't often see! Do you want a piece of me, you sexist punk?'
You inadvertently laugh at his attempts to copy your angry face-- his thick eyebrows creased in fury creating banks of wrinkles between them (over on his nose bridge too), his smile turns into a scowl and his nose flaring in disgust. But before that goosebumps he gave you could dissipate into actual fear for his dark face, it immediately reverse back into its once affectionate expression.
'I-I said that?' you whimper, tears filling up your eyes.
He hums in response, reaching out with his hands and wiping your tears away, 'Indeed you did... but besides instilling a new found fear in me, you also made me realise something I thought I'd never have again.'
'Love,' he purrs as he gives you a chaste kiss, 'Amongst others.'
'Did you love someone else once?'
'Hm, there was once a woman named Marie. She used to work at this bar where I used to retreat with several trainees back in the day... She was beautiful and I was young. I thought I knew everything there was to know back then. I was brash and confident, untamed and immature-- so when I saw her, I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.'
I see him that way... So he used to love someone the way I love him...
'Of course, that's when I realise I had bigger plans than settling down-- I wanted to save the world-- no, I still do! So I put that into my topmost priority, letting Marie have her own well-earned say and choice. I left her and so she picked up my former trainee-mate as her husband: Nile Dawk-- '
'You mean, Commander Nile Dawk?'
He nods as he gravitates towards your face again-- kissing your nose, your forehead, your cheeks and then your lips, 'The very same.'
'Hm, looks like you and him were born Commanders.'
'I wouldn't be so quick to say that he isn't,' he kisses your neck-- one right at your throat and starts nibbling on you. When he speaks again, his vibrating throat against your breasts tickles you, 'But anyway, before that day when you threaten me, I was ready to die anytime the Gods wanted me to and when I survived all the expeditions prior, I thought there was nothing else to look forward to than to free the world of titans... until you came along, of course.'
'What do you mean?'
'You were so much bigger than the titans to me... and that's a lot to take, don't you think?'
You bite your lower lip as you watch him explain more.
'When you asked me if I wanted a piece of you, though it was an insult and a veiled threat, I couldn't help but think back: I do want a piece of you.'
The hot, red blush on your cheeks remain as he deeply gaze into your eyes.
'I have never wanted anything so much in my life,' he hisses suddenly as he remembers, 'It was painful, almost like betraying myself.'
That much? How could you love me that much? How could you--
You didn't know why, but you shake your head, 'H-how could fall for me like t-that? Wha-what I said was nothing l-like what a woman would say to a-a man. That's just-- '
'It wasn't just that,' he laughs-- his voice sounds broken to catch you crying like that, 'Do you remember when Hange pulled a prank on you and got you to dress into a skirt, thinking it was an official skirt day?'
God. Yes. Fuck yes. Who could forget that?!
'People couldn't recognise you. Half of the Corps look to you like shark smelling blood-- God, I still remember that pungent perfume she made you wear-- of jasmine and camellia! It turns me on so bad that I feel so out of place when I couldn't even recall your name! I thought you were someone else and then you suddenly-- '
'I called you a shameless prick,' you turn crimson at the thought, 'Yes, I remember. I don't know how that's appealing...'
'Well, I'm not finished,' he pecks your lips lightly again and then pulls away to just stare into you [E/C] eyes, 'Right after that, I remember Hange pulled up your skirt and everyone-- most specifically at the time, all the male officers-- could see your panties!'
Where the hell is he going with this?
'It was such a shameful act-- '
God, honestly, can I not be more ashamed than this?
'That you blushed so badly-- '
I think that's happening right now!
'And you actually cried,' his voice is low but deep, peeling your eyes away from the ceiling and into his own azure ones, 'You cried and ran out. No one was chasing you out when they realised who you were! Some even say that Hange pulled a great prank-- '
I remember punishing her to scrub ALL the fireplaces.
'But that wasn't her intention.'
You whip your head back to face his, 'What?'
'She wanted to show everyone that you were like any other woman in the Corps-- that you were-- no, you are, in fact, beautiful... She pulled your skirt so everyone could see what you were wearing underneath-- those frilly, white cotton panties-- and that you were just like any other girl. You had feelings that made you frail and futile, that could make tears crawl out of your usually rude tear ducts. Hange was so mad and scolded them-- only the new recruits didn't say anything though. Not that they were too afraid to say anything-- no, in fact, I think it was only Levi's group that was blushing as mad as you were.'
You nod, 'Y-yeah, I remember seeing that... It made me think that maybe Levi and his gang weren't so bad after all.'
'They weren't,' his blue eyes look away for a while as if in contemplation of something before they glance back into your eyes, 'I guess they just understood your type-- rebellious and almost criminal-- because they were just like you. Cadet Magnolia herself was somewhat boyish and she must've understood you completely, most especially at that moment-- but of course, that wasn't what most of the laughing stock wanted to believe. They just put everything aside.'
'Y-yeah,' you let out a dreary sigh-- Erwin busies himself with wrapping his fingers on your skin, specifically on your back, caressing them gently as if an attempt to soothe your hurt. 'I-I'm sure I m-made such a great i-impression... No one would've e-ever liked me the way y-you do...'
'They're inhuman if they don't... and it's not that they don't, they just take time to realise things-- I'm sure you've noticed.'
Yeah. Ever since then, people went easy on me and so I went easy on them. Overtime, I became like sisterly figure to young cadets and a distant daughter to the old ones. Those who are as old as I was-- Erwin, Mike, Levi, Hange, Nanaba and the rest-- treat me like one of their own, some like a sister and some like something more than just buddies-- we became comrades.
'[F/N],' you turn your head towards Erwin's as you hear him call your name, 'Did you get what you were looking for?'
Your face contort-- perplexed by his question. 'How do you mean?'
'Well, you wanted to know me better...'
And to ask you if you think Levi would've like me as much as you do.
'Ah, yes,' you smile as you run your fingertips on his flesh, feeling his shoulder blades wrest against each other under his skin, and play with him, 'I've got more than what I bargained for.'
He smiles back at you and rises a little to peck your forehead, 'Then sleep. If you have more questions, I'd be more than willing to answer. But you look incredibly tired.'
'I am. My muscles are sore!'
'That was my mistake,' his parted lips spread wide into a sheepish giggle, 'Sorry about that!'
'I'm not sorry and I shouldn't be... You least of all, too.'
His gleaming blue eyes widen, delving into yours as if what you said was oxygen itself. He then locks his lips with yours, his warm and tender tongue slipping through your obliging lips to mesh against yours in a heated battle-- he even goes as far as grabbing the back of your head and pushing your forward or tilt his head to the side, thrusting his tongue deeper and explore more sides and tastes it could ever have flavoured. You keep your eyes open as this begins to unravel and so does Erwin.
When you both break apart and stare one last time into each other's eyes, Erwin leaves a light peck on your already wet lips and crawls to your side. You proceed to cuddle onto his body as he did, your head resting on his chest to hear his ever calm heartbeats-- meanwhile, he wraps up his arms around your neck and plays with your hair. It wasn't long till his touch slowly drags on into a sleepy limbo and then into a groggy pat along your scalp.
'Good night, [F/N],' you merely smile back as you sigh contently, enjoying how his lungs rise and fall like that, 'I love you too.'
He finally answers.
Your grip around his sticky body tightens and you slowly fall asleep to the rhythm of his breathing, 'I love you, Erwin...'
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - The Next Morning - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The sound of crickets disarms you without fail as it always has every dawning morning.
Looking around the bed, you recognise it to be the larger quarters of your Commander Erwin Smith-- and not his office where most of your love making took place. Quiet strangely, both of you didn't pursue to more intercourse when you lay resting on the soft bed last night. You chuckle at the thought, awakening and eliciting an annoyed groan from your sleeping partner.
'[F-F/N]?' he mumbles in his sleep, stirring to his side and pressing his eyes close while he's at it, 'What are you doing, love? Go back to bed.'
He must've never had that much sleep before.
You poke his elbow slightly, making it jerk in irritation.
'[F/N], stop. Get back to bed or I'll make you.'
You know his threats has its substance but at the same time, this is the right moment for you to leave his room. You sigh in frustration, running rough touches to your bed hair and worsening its ruffle.
He's been so tired after all this time... To think that us having sex have actually helped him sleep-- even a little-- it makes me feel happy.
You smile as you watch him sleep beside you-- his back heaves up and down in serenity. His warmth has tripled over since the events of last night and the fact that he lies naked allows it to travel through the sheets and to you-- it is just so welcoming. You could picture yourself lying in bed all day and screw up the brass from the Capital by doing so-- it seems like a great idea as you trace his flexing muscles and ache to mesh yours against his.
'Erwin, I have to go,' you whisper to yourself.
There is no answer, of course. There is, however, a slight murmur in the still, foggy air. In fact, you know it more commonly as snoring.
You couldn't believe your ears and bend forward over to his side, tucking your prying strands to the back of your ears as you listen. Indeed, Erwin-- your commanding officer and the highest authority of the Survery Corps-- is in fact snoring in his sleep.
Aw, he's so happy and comfy he's snoring...
You feel even more happy now, elation tightening the stretch of your ribcage and sending cold shivers down your spine. You slowly lower your head to breathe against his ear then plants a long kiss on his cheek and pulls away before anything could stop you. Just as you creep your way to the side of the bed, you feel something pull you from your wrist.
'Where are you going?' the peaceful slumber in his groggy voice is far too distinctive for you to ignore-- you try to stifle your oncoming laughs, turning to face him. One of his blue eyes is pressed closed and the one left opened looks to you eagerly as he says, '[F/N], it's far too early!'
You end up giggling anyhow, 'Well, I'd love to stay here with you-- trust me! But I have to leave now-- right when everyone's just waking up! That way, even when they thought they heard or saw me, they might dismiss it as just mumbles of others in their sleep!'
You catch him widening his both his eyes at you now-- his fingers still anchoring you half-way to the bed.
'You know,' he narrows his eyes to mark its severity, 'You sometimes make the wildest claims, you know that?'
'So says the man who leads an army of humans towards hordes of titans,' you pout, tugging your hand away from his hold.
You hear him chuckle and feel his eyes watching every part of your body as you bend over. You know he enjoys the view of your nether regions-- or even the part where the remaining wetness seems to slightly let out a soft purr into the air-- as you walk around or sometimes crouch to pick up your clothes.
'Stay,' he suddenly orders but once met with your eyes, he begs, 'Please.'
'I can't. I can't have anyone find me here with you,' you answer, sliding your arms into your shirt sleeve. You could sense him hungrily watching your breasts as you realise you couldn't button up your shirt anymore.
'You can wear mine.'
'No,' you quickly quip, 'Yours is too huge.'
Crap, that didn't sound right.
He lets out a chuckle (and you know he reads your mind at that point), wriggling his way out of the pleasantly cosy blanket and bed. He makes his way past you though and grabs a folded shirt from one of his drawers, throwing it at your direction. You pick it up without failing.
'Try this,' he says and watches as you put it on, 'It should fit you if you just fold the sleeves.'
You do as you were told and of course he was right. But just as you fold the sleeves, Erwin marches forward and pulls both your shirt collar up-- meshing his lips against yours. He tastes like sour drowse, mystifying you into the illusion of night and forcing you to surrender. But you have better resolve than him in this waking state.
'Er-Erwin,' you slowly pull away-- the sound of splashing wetness haunting your ears-- and you widen at the sight of a string of saliva connecting your lips with his, 'I-I'd love to continue... b-but I have to leave. I-I'm just not ready to tell a-anyone about us... not yet.'
He croons in response and nods, 'I understand. Just take your time, alright?'
Don't give me that look.
'It's not that I don't want you,' you groan.
'There's no need to explain,' he tips your chin so you'll look up to him and places a quick peck on your lips, 'I can see the want in your eyes...'
I know you can.
'Y-yeah,' you sheepishly rub your neck and pulls up your pants. 'I bet you can!'
He chuckles and goes back to his bed, encircling himself within the blanket while leaning his weight on one propped elbow. He's still watching you as you now-- very loosely, though-- clasp the straps of the belts back on. You sneak your legs into the leather boots and pull it up, tugging slightly at its ends and made sure it won't slip off if you try to run later.
'Be safe,' Erwin suddenly murmurs, 'If anyone asks-- '
'Erwin, I'm a big girl. I think I can handle it! You and I both know I can!' you let out a chuckle as you put on the last of your particle of clothing-- that brown jacket with the embroidered insignia of the Survey Corps strapped on its breast pockets and sleeves.
Erwin falls silent for a while before he thinks back on his words, 'I'll see you soon...'
'Mmhm! Until then, good night!' you wave as you grab onto the door knob. You swiftly and silently press the click on the lock, sliding it open so that that the click doesn't resound-- it works. You smile widely and wave again at Erwin as you sneak through the crack. Once you step out, you stare at his door for a while.
I'm so happy. I can't be any happier-- ack! No! I'll be even happier when all the titans are exterminated! Until that happens, this is as happy as I can get!
You resist the urge to skip your way into the dim-lit hallway of the Survey Corps base. Your boots aren't clacking though-- as you try your best to shuffle your boots instead of stepping your feet in a proper fashion. The morning is dawning, but it's still dark outside and no one's awake at this hour-- they probably try to wake up after someone tried to wake them, but all fall back to sleep just as Erwin did.
I can't believe I actually heard him snore!
You giggle as you pass the opened doors of the mess hall--
You back up a bit to peek into the hall and it was still dark-- more importantly, empty. But no one should have left the doors open. As you walk through the door frame, you feel a presence behind you-- when you immediately turn out of reflex, a hand creeps up to your face, silencing your screams or cries. It smelt just like that disinfectant a certain someone always uses.
'Shut up, idiot,' you could recognise that voice anywhere, anytime and anyhow-- confirming your thoughts.
L-Levi!? What the fu--
'Come with me,' he hisses-- his breath is burning against your ear as he leans in to your neck, 'Unless you want to cadets or the others to find out.'
Find out what exactly?
But either way, you would have to comply.
You nod your head, feeling a sweat bead down your temple, before you feel Levi wrap a tight grip around both your wrists-- pulling it to your back as he pushes you out of the mess hall. You do nothing-- not even squirming or fighting against him (which you know you can)-- because you're not ready to tell anyone why you were up and about during this hour. You have no excuse to tell them and you feel your womanly self (the one that Erwin repeatedly says he's fallen for) may explode into a seething, scornful wrath.
To your surprise, Levi leads you to his quarters instead of yours, which was on the same floor as Erwin's but about two floors higher than the mess hall. Every one of the senior members there are still asleep-- you could've sworn you heard a loud snoring that you thought belonged to a fellow Squad Leader, Hange.
It just sounds like her weird voice... It almost says, 'titan, titans, titan'.
Levi slowly removes his hand from your lips, unlocking his door and revealing his dark room-- the only light being the last of that silver glow of the moon through his glass windows. He throws you on the ground and you respond with a mere grunt, afraid to make any sounds. You want to retaliate but you somehow have a bad feeling about this.
I mean, why was he around? He couldn't have awaken this early, even being the control freak that he is... But... Could he have been hearing Erwin and I last night?
'I can't believe,' you heard him snap at you. 'That you would actually do something like that!'
He knows. He knows about Erwin and I.
'Levi, what the hell are you talking about?' you crease your eyebrows together.
I know it won't work... but I can't look like I want him to know... At least not in this way!
'Don't give me that shit!' he spat-- you see him raise his hand as if trying to slap you, so you press your eyes close and flinch. But nothing happen. You whip your eyes back open and observe him as he breathes heavily through and through, fighting against his own resolve and you know it by just looking.
You shake your head, 'But I don't know what you're talking about!'
'You fuck around!' he suddenly cries out but withdraws suddenly-- his next line of words are spoke in hush whispers and through a gritted jaw, 'I fucking know what you do with him.'
He knows. Don't avoid it, [F/N]. It will only make him hurt more.
'H-how...' he begins panting. It's clear that anger has now raked his body in fiery, raging tremors-- he slowly looks up to you with his ebony bangs hanging over his once slithery ice-blue eyes, 'H-how many times?'
'Wha-what?' you gasp. He could ask you anything he wanted, but not something so personal like that.
'I said: how many times did he make lo-- how many fucking times did he fuck you?'
Why would he even want to know?
'L-Levi, why would I even-- '
He takes several steps forward and yanks you by your collars-- almost the same way as Erwin did-- but this time is rougher and angrier. You could feel the hate in his eyes as he stares them into yours, boring holes that burn into your head and leaving your upper body paralysed.
'ANSWER ME, [F/N],' he growls. His voice is gruff, deep and hoarse.
Just answer him. It won't kill him... R-right?
'F-four,' you mumble out. When you feel Levi's grip loosened, you look away and sheepishly repeat yourself, 'We did it four times last night... Twice before...'
Why did I even say about the night before? That should-- no, I've implied that earlier on. He knows we had sex before and he must've checked upon us last night... that's probably when--
You slowly look up from his boots up to his clenching rock fists that hung at his waist, then towards the angry way his eyes pry onto yours. But there is something else there-- disappointment, regret, guilt, lust, desire and... a carnal need to satisfy himself-- it was almost like looking at the mirror. You'd probably looked that way if you hadn't hand yourself over to Erwin and leave your desires doused.
He doesn't want me. He hates me. He thinks we're too similar-- I like to clean up too. I like to talk back to my superiors, I like to cuss and curse around, I like to throw insults like the unlady-like person that I am! So... why is he--
You let out a soft whimper at the sight of his body trembling a little. You know words will follow, but you feel as if they won't ever console his brokenhearted expression.
'I can't stand it anymore,' he begins-- eyes finally avoiding to look into yours-- and he lets out a shaky sigh before pressing his temple. He shakes his head suddenly, 'Because I can't hold it back.'
Can't hold what back?
Your eyebrows meet tightly in a knot as you waited.
'I want you. I want you to be mine...'
What? He WANTS me?
You merely watch as he walks back up to you.
Lust and passion consume his once despairing, guilty and remorseful cobalt eyes as he looks down to you-- yes, he was slightly taller than you, but you both love your height more than anything else (and you both understand this about each other-- it's why you both clicked so well). His looming figure has somehow doubled-- he initially grips you hard on the shoulder and when you yelp, his grip loosens. But his fingers remain where they are as he slowly leans into your face.
His breath is hot against your skin-- it set your skin alight with a strange notions, confusing senses and lapses of conscience. You feel his lips brushing against yours and hear his breath hitched in his throat.
'I'll rid him off of you no matter what!' he snarls before lunging hungrily for the said flesh and licking his tongue on it.